On-Site HR Evaluations and Low-Yield Holding Cells
Following their dynamic clearance of the crypt containing the asset-liquidated mimic, the intrepid interns of Acquisitions Incorporated advanced their regional walkthrough by opening the door leading to the east. The portal had been securely locked.. Upon breaching the threshold, the team was accosted by a severe breach of workplace cleanliness, as the chamber reeked heavily of organic decay and death.
To the north, a rusted iron cell held the rotting remains of a dragonborn mercenary. To the south, a matching cell contained a live inventory of two prisoners. The interns quickly identified the captives as the sisters Ebella and Ocheri Splintfig, local half-elf commoners who were far too physically depleted to provide an immediate debrief. The interns immediately distributed emergency rations and water, carefully avoiding any damage that would have instantly terminated the sisters' life cycles.
Once their operational status was restored, the Splintfigs provided the following data:
- They were independent B2B merchants specializing in rare herbs and spell components, who had visited the manor to pitch their wares to the previous management.
- Their decision to log an overnight stay resulted in an unfortunate case of being in the wrong place during a hostile corporate takeover when a large force of masked operatives attacked.
- A dragonborn mercenary named Drahkso Blaakberz discovered them hiding but refused to execute them, prompting his peers to lock him in the cell alongside the sisters.
- Before his own contract was permanently cancelled by his team, Drahkso revealed his employer was a short, hooded individual possessing a distinctly goblinoid vocal profile.
- Thugs eventually removed Drahkso for an unscheduled performance review, returning only to dump his processed corpse back into the northern cell.
A thorough audit of the cells yielded notable capital assets: four soiled platinum coins and three glass vials hidden by the deceased dragonborn, containing two potions of healing and a potion of animal friendship. Recognizing a prime vertical integration opportunity, the interns noted that the grateful Splintfig sisters possessed excellent potential as future franchise business partners. With appropriate capital expenditure and help harvesting monster components, their supply chain could easily expand Acquisitions Inc.’s local market share. The sisters made their own way back out of the underground complex, presumably back to town.
The Efficiency Audit of Void Spaces
The Breathtakingly Empty Chamber
The interns next mobilized into a small adjacent room that distinguished itself by being breathtakingly empty. Exercising extreme caution and utilizing an abundance of billable hours, the party conducted a meticulous sweep of the area, only to officially conclude that the room was entirely devoid of utility, inventory, or hazards.
The Unproductive Corporate Alignment
Moving forward, the party entered a chamber defined by a failed, non-optimized ritual. A dozen desiccated and skeletal humanoids littered the floor, clustered near a northern wall carved with incomplete, abrupt arcane runes. The corpses had been thoroughly stripped of all gear and company property.
The sorcerer Smog Scaleborn executed an Arcana check, discovering that the runes were intended to establish a portal layout to the Far Realm. However, a severe management error occurred during implementation, causing the ritual to consume the sacrificial staff before project completion.
The entry of Gilda the Majordomo into the workspace triggered an immediate emotional HR incident. Breaking into uncontrollable sobbing, she identified her former employers among the deceased, prompting her to say a short prayer to Pelor and begin collecting their personal effects for off-site repatriation to their families. While the party successfully mapped out several secret doors, the team’s attention was drawn to a structural collapse opening into a massive southern chasm.
Hazardous Waste and Overhead Infrastructure
The party then pivoted toward the Charnel Chasm, a large, ruined hall heavily impacted by structural neglect and the overwhelming odor of unmanaged fatalities. A ten-foot-deep rift split the floor, spanned by two highly suspect wooden bridges.
As the barbarian Ash initiated a crossing of the infrastructure, his passive perception caught a distinct crunching sound originating from the skeletal detritus below. Immediately, two hostile swarms of predatory centipedes erupted from the organic waste.
Though mundane weaponry proved highly inefficient against the fragmented targets, the interns successfully minimized workplace injuries and cleared the swarms. During the engagement, Smog utilized his line-of-sight advantage to locate an additional secret door leading away from the ritual site. Ignoring alternative corridors, the interns voted to prioritize this newly discovered, non-mapped secret door.
Inter-Office Espionage and Competitive Threats
The secret door opened into an executive office that stood out due to its highly irregular cleanliness, featuring a neatly made linen bed and a fully organized desk. A diligent search of the workspace revealed a crumpled piece of paper discarded beneath the desk, preserving ink blots and carbon impressions from a previous corporate communication.
By utilizing a standard charcoal rub technique, the interns decrypted the following high-level memo:
S —
We have completed our work here. Omin’s moppets have been defeated, although the half-orc and the tiefling escaped. We believe the former ran for the woods, which means she will be ours soon enough. The latter, we cannot locate. We could not find the timepiece either, and it is possible the tiefling took it with her. However, if its magic functions as erratically as does that of the far gear, there may be more searching to be done.
Everything goes according to plan, and the manor should be free to claim. Loose ends are being tied up as I write this.
I am, always, your obliging servant,
- Hoobur
Beneath the text lay the stark imprint of a draconic skull pierced from the bottom up by a broadsword. Following an immediate team huddle, the interns deduced that the Dran Enterprises "DD" logos scrawled on the surface ruins were nothing more than a highly calculated red herring designed to trigger an unnecessary anti-trust investigation. This unknown skull-and-sword entity was the true perpetrator of the hostile takeover. Eager to locate more physical evidence, the team transitioned through the western door into a nearby workshop.
Restructuring and Synergistic Horrors
The workshop layout featured a long table pushed into the northwest corner, concealing the naked torsos of three human males dressed in brightly colored performance tights. The corpses clearly displayed the competitive brand of the skull-and-sword sigil branded into its flesh.
As Ash advanced to audit the remains, the corpses immediately converted into three aggressive, undead Shadows who had retained their muscle memory as professional entertainers and grapplers. The entities launched an incredibly unorthodox assault, jumping off furniture, executing dramatic flips, and striking theatrical poses completely unbefitting of standard subterranean hazards.
[WORKPLACE INCIDENT REPORT]
Subject: Gilda the Majordomo
Status: Triggered by historical trauma of being buried alive
Action: Screamed in terror, retreated to executive office
Location: Under-bed deployment, sobbing uncontrollably
The frontline took an immediate hit when one of the spectral grapplers bypassed Ash's defenses, inflicting necrotic damage and draining exactly one point of his physical Strength asset. However, Monty Chancewell and the party quickly recalled that undead performers are highly susceptible to radiant divine magic. Capitalizing on this vulnerability, two of the entities were permanently deleted from the active ledger, while the final, severely damaged shadow slipped beneath the southern door frame to escape future downsizing.
The interns showed excellent peer support by coaxing a traumatized Gilda out from under the executive bed. Though she tearfully admitted that her skill set was firmly not optimized for fieldwork, the party accepted her apology with full corporate empathy given her recent historical entrapment. The team then approved a brief, contractually mandated short rest to allow Ash to regenerate his hit points and fully restore his drained Strength attributes.
Unscheduled Outsourcing from the Far Realm
Once the rest period concluded, Ash spearheaded the next advance by opening the southern door. While the main path connected directly to an eastern staircase leading back toward the Charnel Chasm, the barbarian’s attention was immediately seized by a door directly opposite the hallway.
Upon breaching this final room, Ash found himself standing alone in a 25-by-25-foot chamber plastered with runic charcoal graffiti and unidentifiable reddish substances. In the far corner, a five-foot-diameter circle of violent, crackling dark energy pulsed in a rhythmic, unwholesome cadence.
To his absolute horror, a massive, multi-mouthed, many-tentacled aberration covered in shifting eyeballs began squeezing its way through the unapproved dimensional portal. The entity immediately unleashed a deafening, mind-assaulting cacophony of absolute gibberish, leaving the barbarian to manage a massive, unscheduled operational hazard entirely by himself.